Saturday- Writing Update.

Hello all!

Thanks for all your support, and reading my blog posts, even when they may not be very interesting.... Today, I'm posting the first chapter of my NaNoWriMo novel, Titanium! Please enjoy, and tell me what you think. (REALLY. DO. I Love criticism.) So please- enjoy!

Chapter 1- Tara

The End of Summer and Beginning of Something else

I wave to my friends as I get off the bus. My best friend, and one of my only friends, Martha, waves back and gives me the last smile of hers I will see all of this summer. Then, after one last glance backward, I pull my backpack up onto my shoulders, grunting as the weight of the books comes up onto my shoulders, and walk up to the door. I unlock is and open it to see my father standing there, grinning.

“Hi, Tara.” His smiling, bearded, mouth says. I grin back at him, ecstatic, and drop my backpack on the ground, giving him a hug. He puts his arms around me and lifts me from the ground, grunting a little.

“I made through!” I yell as he spins me around. “I’m done! Summer is here!” Summer had always been my favorite season, and not just for the weather or the fact that there’s no school, but because my father works on summer hours, and we can spend time together more often. The fact that there’s no school is just a bonus. Even though this year, he’s taking a few weeks off to go visit his sister in South Dakota. It’s about a three hour drive, but it’s not the driving I mind. It’s my cousin, James. Ah. James K. Spurling, world’s most annoying cousin.  When I was young, about four, we were the best of friends. The best in the world. We went to the same school, and liked the same classes in school, ate the same lunches on field trips, and everything in common with each other that was possible for some five and three year olds. But when I was almost six, my mother went into a coma. My dad was completely broken. In the midst of all of the pain, planning the funeral, and my dad trying to k my uncle was offered a job in South Dakota. I begged him with everything I could, but two weeks after my mother was lost to this world, my best friend in the world moved away. He now lives in Sherman, SD, where the closest thing to him is a cemetery. I was mad at him for moving away, and the feeling more or less stayed as I got older. I suppose I could try to get along with him now, but I think the damage is done. James hates me; probably will for the rest of both of our lives. The sadness of that hits me hard, and I just stare at nothing and something and nothing.

“Tara?” My dad asks worriedly. I realize I've just been standing in the doorway for the last few minutes, my face ashen and sad. “Are you OK?” I nod, walking inside to our couch.

“Just...” I start. My dad holds up a finger to stop me and sits on the worn out couch next to me.

.“Hey.” He says slowly, quietly. Sadly. Like his voice was when he told me about mom. Tears swell in my eyes and I can barely meet his. When I do, I see they're filled with tears

“Tara, I know you don’t get along well with James. Or with most of your cousins. But I need some time with your Aunt Lillian- with my sister. Just... Please. Try.” I sit there, not sure what to say, if anything. After a very short eternity, an endless silence, I nod.

“I’m sorry Daddy” I say, in a way not unlike a small child would. “I was being selfish.” I whisper, quieter then he should be able to hear me, but I know he does anyway. He is my father, after all. He could hear me if I was in France. I’m not sure what else to say, My father turns away and reaches into his pocket, and I know to not speak. I know he’s clutching my mother’s wedding ring. And he’s gone. Gone off to the world where he’s thinking about mom. I smile, pat his arm, and go to room to finish packing.

The next day, we throw our suitcases in the back seat and jump in the car. Despite the fact that I don't want to go to my cousin’s house, I am excited about spending three hours in the car, filled with one on one time with my dad. We drive along, singing to our favorite songs and laughing over the funny things I did in school this year. My dad tells me about his pay up in the science lab he works at, and I scream with delight. We stop for lunch and my dad decides we should catch a movie. We watch The Wolverine and cheer louder than anyone when it’s over. We grab an ice cream and finish the last half-hour of driving. Dad tells stories of him and Aunt Lillian as a child. And I’m almost looking forward to seeing Aunt Lillian when we pull into the driveway. I look out the window and see 3 year old little Eliza and her 8 year old brothers, Elijah and Joel, playing on the lawn, James exercising his dog in the back, and eight month old Silvia lunging at the green grass. I jump up and run over to hug my aunt. She laughs.

“Oh, Tara. It’s been so long.” She stands up and takes a step back, making a clicking sound with her tongue. “Too long. Let me have a look at you.” I groan and play along, slowly turning around, rolling my eyes.  “Those boys must be a big fan of you.” She says, laughing, She looks over at my dad questioningly. He shrugs, and then gives me a mock glare. I shrug back and go over to say hi to my little cousins. I stay away from James, and he makes no move towards me. I kiss Eliza on the head, shake hands vigorously with the little boys, and go inside to big, blue house they have and up the stairs, down the hall to the room I always stay in. I throw my stuff on the bed and flop down next to it. I close my eyes for a minute and when I open them, James is standing there with his dog.

“Let me get this straight.” He says, pulling back on his dog’s leash. “I don’t like you, and neither does Sabrina.” Sabrina snarled and thrashed forward, but James has a very strong hold the leash. That’s what worried me. He looked like was quite enjoying making me uncomfortable. I realize the reason he doesn't like me is because I wasn't nice to him after he left. It wasn't his fault, but I treated him like a murderer. Not a friend. Just because you missed him, you killed him. Killed the friendship you had. I reach down to my calf and pinch it real hard, as if doing that, punishing myself, will help. Tears come to my eyes. James turns around to leave.

“James.” I say. He hesitates, but turns around. “I’m sorry for all I did to you. I was rude, and pushed you away, because I need you.” I sigh. “That doesn't even make any sense, does it?” He shakes his head.

“I don’t know what that means, but I know you're just trying to get your lackey back. The reason I don’t like you...” He turns around and leaves before he finishes. I hit the pillow and yell. It doesn't help. It bends and moves to easily. I scream into it and throw my suitcase across the room. It hits against the dresser and falls open. I don’t make a move to pick it up, to put my clothes away. I don’t move at all. I feel it’s my best option. Do nothing. Nothing at all.

Eventually Aunt Lillian calls for dinner, and I sit far away from James, next to the grownups. It looks completely innocent to my aunt, seeing as I’m two years older than him. Dinner is delicious, and during dessert my sadness turns sour. I decide to play James’s game with him. I will ignore him. I laugh along with my father and tell stories to the little kids. I help clear the table and wash all the dishes. I play twister with the kids until seven-thirty when they go bed, then I sit in the living room with a mug of tea and listen to my father and his sister laugh together, happy. And I’m truly  joyous to see him this happy, smiling big. So I just listen, trying not to think about James. When it’s ten o'clock, I rinse my mug out in the sink and go to bed.

I wake to birds singing and hum along. I go over to my dresser and pick out my favorite shirt, a creamy white shirt with green and blue painted designs on it. I pull on my denim jacket and faded jeans. Last of all, I pick up a thin gold chain with a single, large, black pearl, so black it’s almost green, hanging on it. It belonged to my my mother, and hers before that. I wear it every day. The birds stop singing and I continue on my own. I sing Titanium by David Guetta, surprised by how well the words work with my life right now.

You shout it loud

But I can’t hear a word you say

I’m talking loud not saying much

I’m criticized but all your bullets ricochet

You shoot me down, but I get up

I’m bulletproof nothing to lose

Fire away, fire away

Ricochet, you take your aim

Fire away, fire away

You shoot me down but I won’t fall

I am titanium

You shoot me down but I won’t fall

I am titanium

Sadly,I’m not able to finish my piece, because the tears come. Lots of them. I say what I always say, a little ditty I made up, whenever I think of my mother. Or my father. Or my cousin.

“I miss you, I love you, you hate me, can’t see me. But someday I’ll tell you this, and I’ll tell you to your face. And then the world will be fine when I do.” I say that, wipe my eyes, and go downstairs.

For breakfast, I am served a heaping serving of waffles with whipped cream on top. And being avoided by James continues. After breakfast, my dad goes out to get some food and things, while I help clean up the house. Aunt Lillian invited their neighbors for dinner. I’m busy all day, and when it’s finally three thirty, I’m really tired and ready to fall asleep on my feet. But I’m too worried.

“Dad’s still not home.” I say to Eliza. “Should I worry?” She smiles, taking her thumb out of her mouth, and scrambles into my lap.

“No.” Eliza says softly. “Don’ worry, Ta-Ta.” I smile at my new nickname and give Eliza a hug.

“But where is he?” I whisper into her ear. Eliza looks at me funny and says;

“Call on phone!” I laugh because it’s so obvious. I run up to my room to my purse. I pull out my phone and type in the 1 and then send. After a few rings, it goes to voice mail. I leave a message.

“Hey Dad. I was wondering when you would be back at the house.The Roberson’s will be here in an hour and a half or so, and Aunt Lillian needs the sour cream and beef. Call me soon. Love you.” As I push the End button, I get a weird feeling in my gut, like, something’s wrong. Then, I feel a void underneath my feet, and then, all I see is black.

Suddenly, I am falling. Falling to nowhere. I can’t explain the feeling of seeing nothing, Hearing nothing. Nothing at all. Then- Impact.

I wake for a single moment and see a blue sky for a single second. Then, the sky turns red, and everything goes black.