100.

I want to take a trip on a plane, just once in my life.

I want someone to know me that I don't know.

I want to go back in time and believe that I don’t know the future.

But I know I can't.

Live in the moment, they say.

Find your own way.

Follow your dreams.

Sing like no one’s there.

But maybe, I could just shut myself in a big room with a couch and all my friends.

Maybe those who I want to know better could be there, too.

Maybe we can watch Doctor Who and eat chocolate and have healthy religious debates.

But no.

This is the real world, and I can't do that. So when I'm desperate to meet one of my best friends in the world,

Or enjoy a friend I can’t know anyone,

Or find the red-headed little girl who was my best friend in the world,

Or go back in time and tell my little self to enjoy getting her hair brushed, and take care of her things.

I can't. But I can enjoy every single moment possible moment in this part of my life.

Taking deep breaths after walking off my church stage.

Laughing over bacon and a cheesy move with my sister.

Singing in a lonely house.

Sure it's not perfect, but I have a wonderful life. And even though change is the wordy thing I will ever have to deal with, I can take a deep breath.

And another.

Because that is what life is.

Breathing deep.

When it hurts the most.

maybe smiling is hard, and laughing harder

But maybe, just maybe, it's the easiest part.

And every single word in this “story” is real.

And it makes me cry.

And it makes me smile.

It makes me tired.

But it gives me hope.

But I still get a thrill when someone says something I made is beautiful.

I still want to cry.

And hug them forever.

Take a deep breath now. For me.

Is it hard? Is there a piece of something inside of you that gives you hope? If not, find it. For me, it's my family. My friends. My music. This blog in the corner of the internet, ignored by most, but I hope loved by some others. And that is, forever more, what hope is.


There you go. My 100th post. With the one year anniversary for this blog just around the corner, it shouldn't be so exiting for me. But it is. :-) thank you everyone, and enjoy your lovely Wednesday.