Confessions

Sorry I really suck at this hole new schedule thingy. Things have been crazy around the house, but today I have no school or chores, so I'm writing all my blog posts for the next two weeks. In theory, anyway. But I also have an announcement to make. I am stopping Mirror Monday for a while. 

Why, you may ask.

Because I have not been writing very much at all. And there is a lot of deep emotional type stuff behind that, and I don't want to go into the details, but on Friday I will tell you what's going on with my writing. So, yeah. Life should become pretty normal soon, so you should be seeing more of me. :-) 

Family.

Yesterday afternoon, my aunt tagged me in this picture my aunt  Donna (http://www.spinningdaydreams.com/blog) painted. Underneath that, was a link to Chalk dust and rain. The story had inspired her to make this beautiful painting. 

It brought a tear to my eye as I tried to figure out what to say. A swirl of happy emotions went through me, but how could I express that in a Facebook comment? I ended up just saying that I loved it, and adding a heart next to that. But what I wanted to express was;

"I am honored, and I miss you guys so much it hurts" but I didn't want to just say that, because I... Wasn't sure how it would end up seeming to her after it went all the way to Michigan. She then said she wished I could have modeled for her and a peice of songbird broke inside of me and began to sing to my heart. 

So that's what I'm writing about today. Family. We're all spread across the world, and sometimes I miss them a lot, but if we lived closer, would things like this be as special? Because art is a powerful thing, and every single person on my moms side of the family holds it like a peice of chi a in their hands, proudly showing time this world. 

And it's beatuful. My Aunt Raquel recently started a YouTube channel for food, because, well, she makes awesome food! (http://youtu.be/Comizj7ktek) the youngest of the sisters, Merrianna, who is a writer, started posting an awesome short story series called green speaker! (http://www.greenspeaker.com/)

It goes back further. My great grandfather built a beautiful house out of quarry!

My great grandmother painted these porcelain sculptures in a way that made them come to life!

Everywhere I turn, I am encouraged by someone, somewhere, inspiring me, or being inspired by me. And it makes me so happy. It makes me happier than so many things, and even though I wish we were closer, our hearts go out to eachother in a simply wonderful way, a way that only those few chosen by God to have the hands to create words or paintings or stories or food or just a smile out of clay and bring this world a family. A real family. 

I love you guys.

And I can't wait,to see you again.

And here is a poem. It went everywhere, but it's got tons of heart put into it.

Do you think that he put us far away so our hearts could be together?

Do you think that when I'm inspired once, I inspire you forever?

I think that every day that I am far apart from you

My mind and your heart come together more, it's true.

Because, to put it simply,

I love you.

Because I put simply, 

It's just true.

Do you think that the paint strokes you put across the page

Can calm my heart when I'm in a fiery rage?

I think that very day that the sun shines it is true

My heart reaches out to touch the Sunrays that are you.

Because, to put it simply,

I love you.

Because I put simply, 

It's just true.

When this sun goes down 

and my day turns around

Then I think of you so far away.

I wish that I could go and stay.

And the moon comes up because some of us are night owls. 

And they stare at it for hours upon hours.

And if you feel my heart heat

Even know it's off the beat

Then, to put it simply,

You must love me too.

Chalk dust and rain

This story means a heck of a lot to me, and I started it a while ago and am just finishing it up now. I don't want to tell the whole story right now, by it involved many tears and lots of pain. So this is actually based off of something that happened in my life. The details are hazy, but,still. This is true. 

This is inspired by true events.

I smell rain in the air and clouds over head. I clip my hair up in a bun and shove my headphones over my ears, opening the door and walking outside. Evan and Jaron’s Make it better is played into my ears from the headphones and I smile the tiniest bit.

I don't know what's happening to me

I can't remember things I used to believe

I caught myself just the other day

Stealing color from words and leaving them gray. 

I sit down on the patio chair for a moment, staring at the chalk drawings my sister did earlier today. Since it’s going to rain, I think to myself, rocking back and forth a little, Those will be gone soon. I feel one raindrop fall onto my hand, and my smile grows for a second.

Yeah, I've fallen down a time or two

But no one was looking so I'm not telling you

And suddenly, I’m on my feet, a piece of chalk in my hands. The chalk touches the wood of the porth and begins to move, up down and around, making letters. I didn’t even know I was going to do this until I did. The first word, I know what it is and it’s done before I know it. Like the beginning of a letter, it addresses who I’m talking to. Who my words are talking to. 

RAIN 

Though I continue after, the words slipping and spilling out of me like an overflowing cup. Words that have been waiting for weeks, even know I felt fine until now. I felt great until I had this piece of pink chalk in my hand. 

I've got to make it better, make it all right

Got to find me a ladder to reach the light

Got to move to the exit, single file line

Before the fire spreads to my head and burns my mind

WASH THIS

I’m breathing loudly, but the soft music is so loud I can’t hear it. I feel one more raindrop on my skin and begin to write faster. 

AWAY.

Under that, in smaller letters, I keep writing, though the letters are so small you can’t really read them because of all the chalk dust. 

ALL THE SECRETS.

I’m gasping and tears are falling, though only as occasionally as the rain drops. 

ALL THE PAIN. 

I don’t know if I can keep writing, because all of a sudden I can remember why I’m writing this, why I’m hurt, why everything bad has ever happened to me. And it hurts. But the piece of chalk keeps on scratching and wobbling against the wooden slats of the deck. The pain hurts, but I draw the pain out  of me with the words I write. Because that is why I write.

ALL THE LOVE. 

As soon as I write it, I feel a pang in my chest. I want to take the words back, though I know they’re true. I press my lips together firmly and sign my name underneath it. 

I sit outside. And wait for,the rain to come.

I walk back inside, and wait for the rain to come. 

I pace the house, and wait for the rain to come.

But the rain does not come. 

I poured my soul out onto rotting wood, and still it was not washed away. I wish it was.

I wish the pain could be rinsed clean like a dish of greasy food.

I wish it could be thrown into a bin like compost, turned into something wonderful. 

I wish something would happen. But the clouds just sit there in the sky. I take a deep breath and close my eyes. I wanted to remember this for a long time, but this hurts. And the pain is not going away. I put my headphones back on, squeeze my eres shot tightly, and listen to Jo from little women scream her heart out about the fire within her. And I don't look out the window. And I don't look out the window. And I turn up my music, and I don't.

I don't look out the window.

Finally, the song is done, and I run up the stairs, not looking at the windows. And I bury myself in my pillow, and I dare to open my eyes. 

Rain.

Tea photo shoot

My little sisters were having a tea party so I took come pictures of my tea. Enjoy!

Kids and flowers...

I went to the park with my little siblings and a friend of mine yesterday, and took some pictures of the pretty flowers. :D 

I like this one so much. I edited it twice. I couldn't decide between black and white or bright, contrasting colors. Which one do you like best?

I got this shot between EJ climbing off the bench and running off to play and Clara complaining about how she wanted to sit in the middle. Considering, I like the way it turned out. 

It's not very often that I like black and white on my pictures, because I only have one black and white filter on the program I use, but by combining it with other filters, I can sometimes get one I like. 

I love the way the colors turned out on this one. 

And this one leaf on the ground I found there turned out being one of my favorite pictures ever. 

I didn't actually take this at the park, it was in the yard at a friends house, and the yellow made me so happy. 

Thanks for reading! What do you want me to write or photograph next? Would you like to see more pictures of people? More simple meaningful pictures like the one of the bench? Comment and let me know,and I'll see what I can do.

Like a clock

This is a song about my and my siblings, and then some pictures I took in Kentucky and Ohio today with my Mom and little siblings. 

Typing fast smiling as you talk

Sitting next you eating junk food

Smiling at your dirty face as we walk

But sometimes you're really rude

But we keep on

We carry on

We believe in

Each other's sin

Like a clock

Always there

So long as I wind you an take good care.

Like a clock

You are ready

When my hour comes you chime steady

All of you

But not at once

A war over the favorite mug

Jumping up and down when the food comes

On the monkey bars ctaching you when done

I belvie you'll be there some

We'll keep on

We'll carry on

You beleive in

My horrible sin

Like a clock

Always there

So long as I wind you an take good care.

Like a clock

You are ready

When my hour comes you chime steady

All of you

But not at once

Just one time try to feel what I feel

Why do I ask that, I guess in your own way you do

Sometimes it's hard to think that this is real

Not that it's easy, we just have too much fun it can't be true

When we all laugh at that one joke no one gets but us

When we argue over who gets the last pizza crust

When we laugh

When we argue

I promise

I'm there for you.

Like a clock

Always there

So long as I wind you an take good care.

Like a clock

You are ready

When my hour comes you chime steady

All of you

But not at the same time

But not at once

Monday!

Hello. Welcome to Monday.  

For once, I actually feel like getting things done. Today, (and it's only 9:30) I took care of some email regarding a new blog project (more on that later.), began searching for a new cleaning system for juggling other life, edited some photos I took and edited photos, started a blog post, all while taking care of my three younger siblings. 

So. 

Don't you feel grat about yourself. 

Oh, you didn't do anything this morning?

That's okay. It's part of life. It's part of Monday. 

Now, I'm going to post some more pictures, a poem, update you on my life, and the tell you Bit my project. Yes, all in one blogpost. So, here goes.

 

One of my good friends graduated this week, and had a party. Morah, Peter and I dressed up. 

She is seriously extremely pretty. 

Looking snazzy!

I got the dress for 90 cents. Also, I cut my hair. 

So, now for a poem. 

This is called death song. 

Don't.

Don't you want to. 

Leave. 

Don't you think that. 

Life. 

Has fallen through. 

No.

No point at all. 

Why. 

Is there still things. 

I. 

I am doing. 

Live. 

When I cannot. 

Go. 

Leave me alone. 

Song. 

Sing my death song. 

Feel. 

My death rattle. 

Gone. 

So. 

Gone. 

If you want. 

I'll leave. 

Don't leave see, you must

Sing my death song to me.

Now for the update. I want to do writing, but I have been havng trouble sitting down and doing it. I have Ben doing tons of other projects, including poems and short stories. But none of my novels at egetting much work done on them. Hopefully, that will change this week. But of you, wonderful person, read this, please comment with some encouragement. 

Now, the project. I'm going to be interviewing some other young writers I know, including my next door niegbour and great friend Nikki White, (her blog, pen and parchment, hAs a link in the sidebar.) and my online friend from Paris, France, Maddie Lee, Amoung other people. It will probably be weekly, starting next week or late this week, and last maybe 2-3 months. 

Sorry for the long post, but I Havn't posted in A whole long time, and it was needed.